What Moves Me?

There are many things that take my breath away, a beautiful picture, seeing a vibrant sunset, listening to a certain piece of music, a piece of art, a baby...but the one thing that moves me the most is when I hear Taps. That is usually played at a funeral of a service man or woman, and when I hear that I think of the sacrifice that person made for this country, for their family, for their friends, for ME, so that I could live my life free and independent, think my thoughts, verbalize my feelings, go to whatever church I choose. That music moves me to my soul, makes me cry, breaks my heart, and makes me thank God for every day I have on this earth. I may not utilize every day to it's fullest, or make a dent in society in a good way, or contribute to a needy cause daily, but it is the song that makes me think about what "could" be my life, rather than what it is today.

I Am...

Wow, I could go on forever, or not. I am me, and me is many different layers depending on what day it is. Today is Saturday, so I am the cleaner, the clothes washer, the late sleeper, I am able to work on my day off doing all these mundane but necessary chores that have to get done. I am trying to be creative, responsible, productive. I am emotional, bored, depressed, alone, disheartened, disappointed in people. I am able to choose who I want to be, where I want to be. I am a mother, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a Christian, an artist, I am all things good and honest, tried and true, friend and confidant. I am my father's daughter, a Skrehot, independent and stubborn, determined and unsure, confident yet unsure. I am a typical working class US citizen with all these different paths that I am free to take on a daily basis, whatever I choose. I am thankful that I was born in the United States, a strong, independent and morally driven person, feaful of God, yet eternally thankful for all I have.

My Treasures Are...

My most prized "treasure" is my hope chest. My father and brother made it for me for my high school graduation. That was all I ever told my father I wanted in my life, was a hope chest (yes, I'm old-fashioned and in my 50's, so hope chests were a sign of the times back then). Every where I would go, I'd see chests. My grandmother had one, my sister had one, everyone I knew had one. That was all I ever talked about. So the night I graduated high school, we came home and they threw a party for me, and there was my hope chest. It meant even more that it was "made" for me, but that my father and my brother worked on it together for my benefit meant even more. You see, my brother had lost his twin two years earlier, and the fact that he was trying to find himself, he took the time to make one of my dreams come true. I have this chest to this day, it sits in my bedroom. Nobody is allowed to put anything on it, for fear it might get scratched. My daughter, Nettie, knows how important it was to me, and has decided that it is the one thing she wants me to "pass down to her" when I die. That makes me feel even more special.

Some of my other treasures are all "inherited" pieces; a round, carved cherry table that was my mothers, another hope chest that my great uncle made, a couple of small drawer chests that my grandfather made, linens and handkerchiefs that were my grandmothers, and tons of buttons my grandmother saved over the years. And most (secondly) important are all the family photos from my parent's time. My uncle Bill (my mom's brother), whenever we had a family get-together, he would bring out the photos, boxes of them, and tell us stories. Oh, the stories. Uncle Bill passed away about 2 years ago, and I really miss those stories, even though we heard them over and over.

My family is my most important treasure, but we aren't supposed to mention people as treasures.

Another thought I have today...I had to go to the court to get a copy of a judgment for a court case I was involved in with my previous landlord. After living in her house for 13 years, she sued me for $4,000, unheard of here in California, for wear and tear to her house, paint, carpets, etc. But after getting a copy of the judgment today, and realizing that the jack-ass judge awarded her a little over $2,000, my belief in "doing the right thing" has gone completely out the window. I am not a liar, cheat, nor do I steal, but this landlord lied at every turn in court. And now I have to wonder why it is that the liars and cheaters are the ones that end up winning, and not the person that tells the truth and always "goes by the book". I've got lots of thinking to do on this subject, and any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. It's the people like Martha, or Kobe, or these corporate executives that suck all the money, all people who clearly are out for their own greed, that are now more popular than ever. These are the people that are idolized and followed. It just doesn't make much sense to me anymore.

The Chapters of Your Life

If I were to put my life into 10 chapters, I think they would look like this:

1. A Child's Life
2. On My Way
3. Making My Own Decisions
4. What Was I Thinking?
5. Close To Death
6. The Love of My Life
7. Single Mom
8. The Professional Me
9. My Walk With God
10. A New Chapter

I think we all think about our lives as we go forward, as we mature in our walks. We think about our past, our future, what we could have done differently, what we want to do from here on out. It's still a daily walk, a daily event, something that when you wake up you have to decide what you are going to do with this day. Journaling helps us clear our paths as to what we want and how to get it. It helps us to realize our potential, to realize the limits we put on ourselvs, or the limits others put upon us. I think the above chapters are the main chapters of my life, if I had to spell them out, but there are so many sub-chapters under each of the main ones. Those are the branches of life we take to get to our destinations, on a daily basis. As I look at the above 10 chapters, I have learned so much and made some changes. There are some changes still to be made, but life is a new discovery every day, and every day that I wake up I choose to discover so much more. I hope I continue along this path with an open mind and open heart and a willing determination.

January 20 Super You and Journal Spotlight

So the focus today is "If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?" Wow, a super power? I think I would like to be able to go back in time, and make a few changes to some parts of my life that could have been better. First of all I would have gotten a college degree. I've been working all my life, but in today's economy, you have to be better than the rest, and better than the kids coming out of school today. I never got my degree, and have suffered in my professional life because of it. So that much I would change. I would also change my weight. I have always had a problem being overweight, and now that I'm getting older, it's bothering me, and I need to do something about it now. But if I could go back and change it way back then, it wouldn't be bothering me now, would it. I also think I would have made better choices, in men, in my acts, in my deeds. Not that they were bad or anything, just that they could have been better.

I believe I would also be a different person today, making all those changes. I would be my own boss, doing something creative that I love doing, not having to get up and drag myself to a job that I don't like every day just to eek out a living. That is not the way to live life. But overall, I'm still a happy person and like (basically) where I am at.

Now it's off to Wednesday night Bible study with my friend Rhonda and my church sisters...which is always a good place to be.

Daily Journaling

Okay, so I've been away for awhile...you know life is just plain crazy, running here and there, working, trying to keep things in order. Here it is a new year, 2010, and I've just been cruising along, not really paying attention to too much. But it's time to change my ways. I need to journal daily, at least make a half-hearted attempt at it. I saw a blog that encourages us to journal once a day http://www.yourlifespelledout.blogspot.com/ I have tried to journal daily, at least in a Word file on my computer, but I figure if I do it on my own blog, that will kill 2 birds with one stone. So here goes.





Today's focus is on: What are some changes you would like to see take place this year? Do you have a plan to make them happen? What one thing can you do this week to get you started on your journey to the changes you wish to make?


Wow, sometimes I think there are far too many to mention, probably 10-20, but I should probably focus on just 1-3 areas that are bigger than the rest, something that compels me to change something in my life. And of course, there are the usual, weight loss, more "me" time, and more "me time with God". So the weight loss is something that is constantly on my mind. I'm not getting younger, darn it all, so it's really time to focus on my health. Along with that, I need to put aside a daily time for my spirituality, quiet time. I could do it while I am on BART, as long as I close my eyes and don't look at anyone or anything that's going on, or I could turn off the tv sooner, and just spend some quiet time with God. I've also been trying to do more with my coc sisters, book club, Wednesday night class, etc. I need to walk a more spiritual walk as well as put it into practice. As well, last year my word for the year was "simplify". Last year I moved my residence, got rid of a ton of stuff I don't use, and am still in the process of getting rid of more "stuff" that I just don't use any more. That makes my life a lot simpler right there.

Let's just suffice it to say tha I need to concentrate on these things going forward, and my life should be a little easier to deal with.

My Goal

I keep trying to figure out how life got to be so complicated. Who would have ever thought life would get so crazy. It seems we are all trying to fit more into our day, trying to accomplish more tasks in a shorter period of time, trying to fill up every second of our day with complicated, time-consuming tasks. Yet what we are doing is driving ourselves nuts. As I get older, I don't want to get busier, but it seems with jobs the way they are and employers expecting so much more out of everyone, it is difficult to slow down. At the end of the day, we are more frazzled, more tired, less enthusiastic, more stressed out and we ask ourselves what the heck we are doing. They tell us we have to take more responsibility for our careers, so we do that. They downsize people, but the work doesn't go away, it just gets redistributed among us. They plan new projects that take hours and hours of time. Those projects are over and above our already planned out schedules. They bombard us with meetings all day long, filling them with trivial stuff like "how do you feel about our what so and so said...", or call a meeting while we are attempting to close the books on time to discuss what days we want to work from home. Petty, time consuming crap.

They are just setting us up for failure. They give us our yearly performance reviews, and in order to keep our raises low focus on the two mistakes we made all year long. This gives them more feeling of power. They are already managers, they already push paper around, plan meetings, talk at meetings, but they don't do the actual work. I'd swear they spend their time plotting out how to drive us crazier than we already are.

The company is a $5 billion a year company...how much more do we really have to make. How much more can we pay our executives, and what can they possibly do with all that money. Why is it so out of balance. Why do the workers not get paid for the hard jobs they do, while the managers just keep pushing the papers around their desks.

This is not what I signed up for in life...I need to figure this out sooner rather than later.